What Kind of Medical Alert Would Pablo Escobar Use?

 

If you’re familiar with Pablo Escobar, then you know how crazy this article is going to be. Mabye you remember him from Narcos, an American crime drama television series created by Netflix. But just think about it for a second; wouldn’t it have been interesting to see “the man” himself wearing a freaking medical alert necklace? Would it be made of gold and diamonds? Would the panic button link directly to his hit squad instead of first responders? Let’s fantasize a minute here.

 

Medical Alert Panic Button for Assassination Attempts

Now, we all know a man like Pablo definitely had enemies, so it’s safe to say that his medical alert necklace would have a special panic button for assassination attempts. The button would link to some of his hitmen, and they could show up all “ninja style” and take out the threat. Now, if only this button could actually take the place of the hitmen; that would be something.

 

Panic Button for Crooked Cop Calls

Now, Pablo wouldn’t need a normal panic button for the fire department or the paramedics. Hell, he probably owned a hospital and fire station of his own. But what he WOULD need was a way to call his crooked cop squad to go handle “bidness” right away. This way, he could get rid of the competition before they even had a chance to set up shop. Smart, but imagine this…

 

Mistress Medical Alert Necklace

What would life for Pablo be like without a little “instant gratification”? I mean, a man that powerful would go crazy without his choice of women on demand. So, perhaps Senor Escobar’s medical alert necklace could link to a number of female companions wearing their own device. It’s a perfect way to order up some “action” with the touch of a button. Maybe next lifetime…

 

English Tutoring on the Go

Cause the Colombian accent is quite thick, isn’t it? What if Pablo had a direct link to his Rosetta Stone account with the push of a button? His medical alert necklace could quickly teach him how to properly pronounce English words so that setting up drug deals with the US government would be a lot easier.

 

Galactic Medical Alert Necklace

Being that Pablo was a billionaire, I can’t see him not investing in the U.S Men in Black Secret Secret Space Program. His medical device would have been powerful enough to reach his peeps on Mars to order a rocket full of Galactic Mushrooms, you know, that new drug he was planning to distribute before he died.

See, Pablo would have had a lot of options for his medical device, but chances are, you don’t have a tenth of the money he possessed. But what you do have right now is your life, and you can protect it with a medical alert necklace. You’ll always have access to immediate help when you need it (provided you sign up with a good provider) and it’s a no-brainer to operate.

But back to fantasizing. If YOU were Pablo, what kind of medical alert device would you have?

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